How on earth could I have blog hesitance when I live in the most blog-about-worthy country ever? If I haven’t gained a few ab muscles since being here, I’d be shocked. Due to the constant entertainment this country provides combined with my perhaps immature mind, my tummy muscles are working overtime. So… read my list of Koreamusements for a good laugh and a rockin’ bod:
- Old people dominate
Ajumas (women) and Ajushis (men) is what they call Korean folk of the elder age. If you encounter one, proceed with caution. They are either extremely nice and will stare at you like you are the epitome of beauty because of your exotic foreignness, or they are scary as hell and yell at you in Korean for showing your shoulders in public. Either way you will feel uncomfortable, so just remember to put ajumas/shis first.
- Slutty shoulders
Korean women (and even some men) take short shorts to the next level. I got here in the summer, so I was seeing butt cheeks on the streets, in the grocery store, in my neighborhood, everywhere. Some girls in America wear shorts that show a little cheek, so it wasn’t a huge deal to me, but I came here expecting to have to dress conservatively. Seeing booties everywhere reassured that I wouldn’t need a wardrobe change. Well here’s the thing… You can show your fanny all ya want, but the second you whip out those scandalous shoulders, be ready for the consequences. I have been yelled at by an ajushi while walking down the street in a workout tank, and I’ve been scolded in my apartment elevator for wearing a dress that showed too much of my slutty shoulder skin. The best part about these moments is that I have no idea what they are actually saying, because I have yet to understand Korean — especially passionate, angry Korean banter — so I just stare blankly at them during the whole scenario until the elevator releases me to my floor.
- Matching Couples
Ever get disappointed when ya find out the cute guy/girl you hit it off with at the bar is already taken? In Korea, you will never run into this problem. Because all the couples match!! They actually wear the same exact outfits, from head to toe. So you can spot them from a mile away!! It’s amazing.
- Dildo ice cream
For some reason this is how they decided ice cream cones should be shaped.
- Hand job soap
When you find a bathroom that actually does provide soap, you’re having a good day. But for some reason it’s always bar soap on a stick. I’m sure you can imagine what you have to do in order to get a good lather.
- I am the 1%
Korea is actually the most uniracial, developed country in the world. It’s a fact. There is a handful of foreigners made of teachers, expats, military men/women, and students, and it is common to run into them in Seoul, but when in an area where foreigners are scarce, the reactions are golden. I live about 15 minutes outside of Seoul, so people aren’t usually too caught off guard when I am present. However, the other day as I was exiting the subway station, a middle aged man was approaching. When we crossed paths, he stopped dead in his tracks and made a gasping noise of utter shock. He then turned around to stare, so I turned around and stared back until about five second later when he snapped out of his awkward gaze and yelled “HI” while waving obnoxiously. It gave me a good laugh for the rest of my walk home.
- When a child spots a foreigner
There are few things I enjoy more than seeing a baby get confused as hell by my presence, and due to the above fact, it happens on the regular here. They usually do a few double takes before the wrinkle in between their eyebrows forms. They look at their parents, then back at me, then down at themselves, then back at me, and when they realize I look like nothing they’ve ever seen before, the child proceeds to cry.
- English signage is out of this world
- What comes out of their mouths
Spitting! Everyone does it. Everywhere. Men and women. Outside and inside. After living here, the loogy-hawking sound will haunt me forever.
There is also no such thing as a social filter, here. Korean people are as straight-up as it gets and will tell you when you look bad in pictures, when you’re being stupid, etc. I actually love it.
The list goes on and on, but I won’t spoil it all for you in the first story so stay tuned 🙂